Based on the photos in this post, I think it’s self-explanatory how long I’ve been working on writing this article. The truth is, each time I come back to write or review it, my brain either goes wild with points to include, or I sit there confused with myself.
I have been a mama for over five years now, and honestly, I can’t say I’ve fully “found myself” again – but at the same time, I am completely and utterly fulfilled in every way possible. It’s all a work in progress, and it’s important to accept that.
What Does “Finding Yourself” Really Mean?
“Finding yourself” can mean something different for everyone, so don’t feel you have to put yourself in this category. Many of us women who become mothers, become so focused on our children that we simply put ourselves second to the point that we essentially forget who we are/were before having kids.
The reality is; once we have children we will never be the exact same person as we were before them. Not only physically but mentally – there is always another human to think about, care for, feed, etc. By finding yourself, we don’t refer to you falling back to our old single ways; just resurfacing the human being you are individually.
This is where the mom guilt starts bubbling up – but I am a mother; how am I supposed to think of myself as an individual? Well, you are. Not all the time, but you NEED to sometimes. You know how during the airplane safety announcement they instruct you to put on your own mask before assisting someone else in case of an emergency – well life is something like that. In order to be fully present, you must learn to help yourself as well. Self-care isn’t selfish!
Rome Wasn’t Built in a Day; Progress Requires Making A First Step
There is no specific plan or worksheet I can create to tell you step-by-step how to find yourself again; and I’m pretty sure I can make a worksheet for just about anything. Finding yourself again as a mother can feel like a deeply personal and sometimes challenging journey. Motherhood can be all-consuming, and it’s easy to lose sight of who you are outside of being a mom. But it’s important to remember that reclaiming parts of yourself—your passions, dreams, and sense of identity—is not only possible, but also crucial for your well-being and your family. Here are some steps to help you reconnect with yourself:
Acknowledge Your Feelings
Acknowledge your feelings, but don’t do it all at once. One time I sat down to do this exercise and completely overwhelmed myself to the point that I refused to bring my thoughts back to it. Baby steps, please. It’s completely normal to feel overwhelmed and disconnected at time, or even confused as to who you are outside of being a mom/wife when that is what takes up your entire day. The first and most powerful part is to recognize that these feelings are valid and a part of the process. Motherhood can often become your primary identity, but you are still a whole person outside of being a mother.
Create Time for Yourself
Time for yourself – when, where and how? I agree, I laughed at this the first time someone told me this. I barely have time to brush my hair once a day somedays; how am I supposed to find me time? When I sat down and focused on this a bit more, I realized that “me time” doesn’t have to mean a fabulous day away at a spa. “Me time” is a time during your day when you can calmly and purposefully focus on just yourself. This can be as simple as reading, exercising, taking a bath, or simply sitting in silence.
Revisit Old Interests
Think about the things that used to make you happy before motherhood. Whether it’s a hobby, a passion, or a creative outlet, try to reintroduce some of these activities into your life. You may need to start small or adjust your expectations, but slowly integrating these interests back into your routine can reignite a sense of self.
Embrace the Shift in Identity
Motherhood is transformative, but it doesn’t have to erase who you were before. You may have a different identity now, but you are still the same person at your core. Your role as a mother adds a new layer to your identity rather than completely replacing it. Embracing motherhood into your passions and hobbies can be a great way to find yourself, while not feel that mom guilt.
Accept that the Journey Is Ongoing
Reclaiming yourself isn’t a one-time fix—it’s an ongoing process. Your needs, desires, and identity will continue to evolve as your children grow and your life circumstances change. Embrace this fluidity and give yourself permission to continue evolving.
Remember, being a mother doesn’t mean you have to lose yourself—it means you’re finding new ways to incorporate your passions, desires, and sense of self into the framework of your new life.
You are both a mother and an individual, and it’s entirely possible to balance both identities.
